From social life to mil

So minsu and i have been connecting lately. Its so weird bc i feel exactly how she feels about the local churches these days! Its hard to find a good EM that is spiritually strong! But glad i can finally connect with someone on my level~ Thanku Jesus~ ♥
Now about mil.. wow i wrote a long txt venting to oppa about how i truly felt about his mom i wonder how he will react. :/
I wanna txt her:
늦어서 죄송해요~~ 혹시라도요... 어머님이 저한테 불편하신거 있으세요? 제가 뭔가 잘못한거 있으세요? 아님 무슨 불만이라두요? 솔직히 전 어머님이랑 좋은 관계를 갇고싶어요~ 근데 왜이렇게 어려운지 모르겠네요..
She really has been mean to me lately. I think today was sorta her last chance~ i have tried to give her a few opportunities to do family stuff but every time she refuses~ i dunno wat it is? Maybe she is jealous and feels left out bc we now bought a house and etc? Ever since diana has a son she acts so differently~ it gives me a headache trying to figure this woman out she is so difficult~ i wondered if its just me.. but im beginning to think its the both of us~ y doesnt she even help  bring her dishes and stuff? And then diana all of a sudden started doing the same?! Maybe im just thinking too much.. with 2 kids this should be the least of my worries.. i sorta feel bad for nathan~ mil has been treating him more distance since noah has come.. and its not noahs fault at all~ mil is just not a good grandma.. she is so 2 faced it makes me sick. She takes such good care ofnnathan in front of oppa but when hes not there its so different. How can a believer in christ be this way?! It makes me so sad. Wat can i do~ Jesus is watching~ he hears my cries.. he sees wats happening.. and forgive me Lord for trying to stoop to her level and plan evil schemes. I love you Lord.. and thanku for always providing for me and my family~ ♥

Embarrassed

He humiliated me in front of his whole family. Trust became lost.. my security in him wanders.. major embarrassment.. completely embarrassed. Where is my confidence i once had?! Where r u self esteem?! I feel like a prisoner trapped in my own home. Where is the grace in my mommy hood? Where is the respectful daughter i once was? Where is my innocent heart that i once had before the world hated me?

The water birth of Areum

I am no writer nor do I blog daily about the things I love or my interests. I just would like to share my not-so-planned water birthing story of my daughter.

Since the pregnancy of my son, water birthing was always an interest for me. Unfortunately it was not an option in the area we lived at so an epidural was obvious.

Water birthing became an option for us 1 month before my due date. Scared and ecstatic, I decided to go for it. This was my chance to experience the one and only feeling about true motherhood, and the real purpose God designed a womans body to be.

Note: My water never broke.

4am hubby and i drove to the hospital with my mucus plug broken. Awaiting the time to push became hours, and hours, and even more hours. They say your 2nd comes faster but not in my case. My contractions were getting stronger, but bearable. After 13 hours of tolerable pain, I got scared. I couldn't do it anymore. I cried in fear. Hubby advised that if I didn't want this anymore, I could just have the epidural but would have to wait 45 minutes to get an iv flow in my body. My fear of delivering the baby during this wait time over took me. My midwife and all the nurses encouraged that I've come all this way and to just go through the end. So I stayed in the birthing tub. 1 hour later it was time. It happened so fast my memory of this beautiful experience passed me within a glimpse. I will not go into details. I will however say the pain is beyond what words can even express. It made me realize that God is truly magnificant, almighty, and powerful. I experienced what my body is truly capable of, something that I never imagined pushing through. They say your body will naturally push the baby out even when you have given up. I am here to say this statement is absolutely true. I felt physically tired drained and exhausted of 14 hours of labor and just could not push any longer. My body was so weak i said i couldnt. After hearing the serious voice of my midwife and her staff demanding me to push, this natural urge of pushing overcame me as if my body knew exactly what to do and out she came. Sounds easy right? This right here showed me the almighty powerful God and his creations. The reasons he made a womans body the way he did.

I really could not have done this without my husbands help by my side. He never left me. He stayed 14 hours holding my hand, holding my head pillowing it in the water when I had no more energy. His sentimental words, his encouraging positive energy was with me the whole time. When I cried, he cried. He showed no fear, no anger, only love. This day was by far one of the best days hubby and I bonded. Sounds silly right, while I'm in labor? Unconditional love truly shows by unintentional efforts; Its a natural thing.

So, there you have it. My not-so-planned water birthing story.

Was it a good experience? Yes, very beautiful and natural. It was by far the best experience I have had since being a mommy.

Would I do it again? As beautiful as all the other women write their stories, that 15 minutes of crowning & pushing was so intense that I would rather just have an epidural.

It may not be everyones first choice to do a natural birth, but I think as a woman, all mommies should experience it atleast once. Just once.